Jokes
from indiatimes
An American happened to participate in a competition,
which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition
that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion,sex, suspense and
mystery. When american turn came after many attempts by others. American gave a
story, which was just one sentence and read
"Oh
god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly
amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four
ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh
god: religion
My
wife: sex
Going
to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay....
but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers. The American
replied: who is the father?
The
American was the winner for writing the shortest story!
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Getting
married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what
you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered
that.
A
little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
After
a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I
married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."
A
man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
A
woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked
the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."
"The
trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove
it." The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,
"I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So
what do you want from me, sympathy?"
-----------------
Three
old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. The 70 year
old man says, "I have this problem.
I
wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." The
80 year old man says, "My case is worse.
I
get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I
finally have a bowel movement."
The
90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap
like a cow."
"So
what's your problem?" ask the others. "I don't wake up until
nine!"
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Desperation
= A Rope Ends It
The
Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot
Machines = Cash Lost in 'em Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law
= Woman Hitler
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This
couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday
afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The
guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A
fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year." The wife nudges
her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a
month!"
The
second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced
120 times last year." Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's
some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?"
Her
husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison. The third bull is up
for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last
year!" The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once
a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The
husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day!
Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"